Pillow Fight In Da Middle Of Da Night

Mariah Carey - Heartbreaker
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This video has everything: a choreographed dance number, animation, popcorn, boobies, TV's Jerry O'Connell, three versions of Mariah Carey (pay close attention), a fight sequence, an old lady on the toilet, and if you watch till the end you'll notice that it was directed by Brett Ratner. Man. Happy weekend.

Don't Even Know What I'll Find When I Get To You

Shoutout To A City That Was Cool In 1998

I am in Miami for the weekend.

I haven't been here since spring break of senior year. My tight-knit group of high school dork friends and I decided that we wanted an uncensored spring break, because we were finally eighteen and could do whatever we wanted. Unfortunately we were still about three years too young, and though we could legally buy and smoke all of the cigarettes we wanted until our throats grew sore, everything else was still an ordeal. None of us had fake IDs, and I knew the nightlife scene in Miami to be crazy intense (I remember seeing a special on E! about how it tore couples apart and exposed them to the wickedness of the universe). Oh, and did I mention that we were basically chaperoned the entire time?

But we had a secret weapon. Her name was Ana Arzu, and she was one badass mothafucka. Ana was not white. She was probably Mexican, but I don't want to say that she was definitely Mexican without truly knowing, because that's racist, right? She also looked about ten years older than her real age, which counterbalanced the fact that the rest of us looked about twelve. And our assumption was not wrong: when put to the test, no citizen of Miami would deny Ana Arzu's curve-revealing denim bodysuit. She was our golden ticket. But when bouncers saw my group in tow after her, they would quickly re-fasten the velvet rope, leaving us balking at the entrance. We weren't Ana. This was a problem.

Our frustrations quickly melted, though, when we noticed Ruthie and Puck from The Real World on the other side of the rope. And Ana, being Ana, approached them and struck up a conversation. They laughed and talked, and we...well, we watched it all happen, as if osmosis could make us cooler. The sighting alone was enough to make our evening, if not the weekend. And I sort of forget what happened after that. Eventually we got into another club and even got a little drunk and I made out on the beach with a guy who didn't speak any English and then the guys in our group got mad because all of the girls ditched them and the next day was kind of awkward but it all blew over. Oh, and the war started.

I don't think I'll be going to any clubs on my followup stay. It just ain't my thing anymore. Actually, I don't think it was ever my thing. And I haven't seen Ana since graduation. She got a little salty later in the year when we were mackin' on the same dude. Also I feel kinda bad that we used her for some spring break fun. But that's what happens when you wear a denim bodysuit. Let that be a lesson to us all.

Come To Me Now.

I am looking for a new apartment to call my own. For the past 6 years, I've moved from place to place without much of a sense of a workspace - for lack of space or just plain mindset. Recently a Hasidic broker asked what sort of a place I was looking for, what my requirements were, etc. I replied, "I'm looking for a 2-bedroom with a kitchen and living room and (whispered) *space for an organ*" Because all I want to do is come home at night and jam the intro to Chest Fever.

Screengrabs.

Here are some screengrabs from the documentary that I am making. Get excited, support, inquire.

Halloween 2009.

Dave's Poker Face from Hanly Banks on Vimeo.

Dave hearted Lady Gaga so much that he dressed up as her for Halloween. A week later, he claims to be "officially over her."

Saturday Morning LOL-Sesh

Best Horoscope Ever.

"You are now rooted in the certainty that you are a wanted child in a benign universe, a sacred seed growing in the divine garden."